Well, it’s official. Ten days to go.

Some time ago, I mentioned that “big changes” were coming soon. That was a rather optimistic statement, as far as time predictions go, but I wasn’t joking about big changes. My last day with Accenture will be Friday, May 28th. I submitted my two weeks’ notice last Friday.

Some of you might remember a series of entries I made last summer, starting in July. My increasing frustrations with the development of my career after college culminated in a period of intense self-reflection. I had gone through similar period in the past, but those were relatively short-lived episodes that never went beyond the initial consideration phase. While I was more determined than ever to find a direction for my life, I wasn’t any surer than I was in the past that I’d come up with a definite action plan.

There was a series of events that helped to harden my resolve this time. First was the realization that time is perhaps the most precious of our resources, one that we use regularly and incessantly without any knowledge of how much we have left. It just doesn’t make sense to continue down an aimless and frustrating path in one’s life. No one knows when his or her time is up. It’s one thing to be working towards some goal, therefore willingly giving up some measure of happiness in the short term, but it’s another thing entirely just to be stuck in a mediocre situation with no better target in sight. Last year I finally realized that taking action — any action — is better than begrudgingly taking no action.

A second, more powerful influence came late last summer when Kim and I held some very challenging and difficult conversations. While I won’t go into much detail here, I did share some of my thoughts and feelings as they had begun. (I urge you not to overanalyze what I wrote; while I was being very frank and honest, I don’t believe that I actually had exposed or discovered the true sources of our conflict at the time.) I realized that my mounting sense of disappointment and frustration at myself had affected more than just my own spirit, and that the effects could be felt far beyond my own self-esteem and self-worth. I was shocked and immensely saddened when I saw what I’d done, and it was even more shocking to see just how subtle and imperceptible all of the changes had felt to me. I had thought that I was doing “the right thing” by swallowing my own bitterness and working for the greater good; instead, by trying to supress my outward feelings, I had let them control my life by changing my inner self. And I had no idea of what was going on, of what I was doing to myself and those around me, until it was nearly too late.

The intellectual and emotional weight of these events, combined with my ever-present frustrations and most recent wave of “changeitis,” brought about a new resolve to change directions. And while I came across the same possibility among several that I have considered many times in the past, this time I wasn’t willing to stop simply because of the level of difficulty and amount of time required to reach those goals. I finally made a commitment, and although there is always the chance of failure, I won’t let that prevent me from at least breaking out of the mold.

I have decided to become a doctor. I was a pre-med student for the first two years of college, of course, but I backed off of that plan after very poor performance in a number of the required courses. Those mistakes are going to cost me, but they can’t stop me any more. I will re-take the required pre-med courses over this summer and coming school year, then apply to medical schools with the intent of matriculating in the fall of 2006. Yeah, that’s over two years away. I expect to become Blair Lee, MD, in 2010, some 11 years after graduating from college.

There are plenty of things that might stop me along the way, and I have a number of my own insecurities to think about. I’ll share some of them shortly. What’s important right now is that I have a goal and I have a realistic plan to achieve it.

No Comments so far
Leave a comment

Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>