Last Sunday morning, Kim turned to me and asked, “So what do you want to do on your last day?” She was referring to the start of orientation, which officially ended last Friday. A welcome brunch today capped off the week, and I’m just a few hours away from my first lecture as a medical student.

Orientation had its moments. Monday was spent on an optional trip to a local beach, since the best way to get to know a bunch of strangers is to stand half-naked in the sun. The rest of the week comprised days of lecture-style information sessions interspersed with small group activities, followed by nightly social events. None of this was surprising, but I found a few things to be rather unexpected.

On the objective side, I was disappointed in the lack of concrete information made available to us throughout the week. Most of us had just a few very common concerns at the tops of our minds — where and when lectures will be held, what books to buy, how to prepare for our first gross anatomy lab. None of these questions were answered clearly (or at all) during the day. We were left to find a lot of the information on our own, or to glean little bits from other groups with more proactive advisors. Our gross anatomy syllabus was made available to us on Thursday, but word was spread entirely by mouth. I certainly appreciated some of the other material that was presented during orientation, but would it have been so difficult to provide us with a few stapled sheets of essential info? I suspect this was just a simple oversight or misunderstanding on the part of the orientation planners, and I doubt they intended to leave us all confused; nevertheless, the lack of clarity in this very basic area left me feeling rather anxious about my classes.

Speaking of anxiety, I definitely noticed fluctuations in my mood and temperament over the last couple of weeks. Where I would have characterized myself as excited and relaxed about medical school over the past several months, I think the reality of the situation began to pound its way into my mind recently, perhaps making things seem worse than they may actually be. The school work isn’t scaring me; I expected an academic challenge, and I’m fairly confident that I can handle the workload. I think my biggest fears come from the other facets of my life and my absolute need to maintain a balance between school and family. I must somehow reconcile the need to study for hours on end with the need for me to remain a husband and a father. In these days before the start of clases, I think my fears are getting the best of me; I’ve worried constantly about remaining a role model for Emmy, remaining a true partner to Kim. It didn’t help that I had no clue where, when, or how long I would be on campus.

Well, at least my schedule is set now. Embryology lecture begins tomorrow at 10:00, followed by gross anatomy. In the last day of presentations during orientation, I began to feel the familiar surges of adrenaline and excitement that kept me running through my post-bacc classes. I’m pretty sure that I’m ready to hit the ground running, and that I’m emotionally prepared to give medical school my 110% effort. And once my schedule settles down, I think I’ll feel more comfortable about my new role as a husband-father-student.

There’s only one way to know for sure.